A million miles away
Your signal in the distance
To whom it may concern
I think I lost my way
Getting good at starting over
Every time that I return
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Do you remember the days
We built these paper mountains
And sat and watched them burn
I think I found my place
Can't you feel it growing stronger
Little conquerors
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
Now
For the very first time
Don't you pay no mind
Set me free again
To keep alive a moment at a time
But still inside a whisper to a riot
To sacrifice but knowing to survive
The first to climb another state of mind
I'm on my knees, I'm praying for a sign
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I never wanna die
I'm on my knees
I never wanna die
I'm dancing on my grave
I'm running through the fire
Forever, whenever
I never wanna die
I never wanna leave
I never say goodbye
Forever, whenever, forever, whenever
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Where do I begin?
I'm learning to walk again
I believe I've waited long enough
I'm learning to talk again
Can't you see I've waited long enough
Foo Fighters - Walk
This song ended the majority of our Spin classes for the past few months and though at the time it signaled the end of class and the motivation to finish strong along with it's inspirational lyrics & beat, today it means even more. Last night, alone on my stationary bike with the words resonating louder than ever through my iPod ear buds I had another revelation (and not just the revelation that I must look like a freak in the silent cardio room literally pounding on my bike at a million miles per hour lol). This song can be taken in any way, for any person, no matter what your struggle, we are all trying to find our way. Applied directly to weight loss it is literally like you are learning to walk and talk all over again. You have to actually retrain your body and mind which has been set in it's ways for however long you allowed yourself to be over weight or unhealthy. Lisa blogged earlier about the unknown of her appearance, which has a lot to do with this blog as well. I also have NO idea what I will look like thin. I try to picture it, pull my cheeks back, suck my stomach in, but I still have no idea of what the final product will be. What if my eyes are too big, my lips too huge, my nose too long, my ears too big, my hair too long or too short? What if I no longer like how I look thin? It's all a very interesting concept. Last night I asked Lisa if I had big knobby knees, imagine never knowing what your knees looked like before? At age 29 I am finally learning what my knees look like! She asked me the last time I saw my knees and I guessed age 7, I literally could not remember. Applying directly to the song "Walk", I do believe I have waited long enough. I honestly feel like I am learning to literally and simply walk again, call it muscle soreness, or my body reshaping, but I notice a difference in how I carry myself (which if you know me and how confident I already am is slightly scary lol). I feel my shoulders pushed back more, my back straighter, my legs pointing less inward. Whether it's a change in my muscles or how I feel about myself there is a definite change (not counting my bow legged mess walk today because of how badly my legs hurt lol). When the song says "where do I begin" it's interesting to note I have had a lot of beginnings in this journey, and that is honestly the best way to keep it new and interesting. Each new thing we have tried has been a beginning. But I credit the beginning of this leg of the journey to our new life in Astoria, we got a bit of a slow start, but we really kicked into gear with the weight loss when we started Spin in October. The song even applies to our new life and home in Astoria, but that is another blog for another day! One of the versus that means the most to me is the one I have "bolded" above. I think back to the days we sat and watched ourselves sabotage our health, our hard work, we literally "sat and watched them burn". But then he says "I think I found my place, can't you feel it growing stronger, little conquerors". I know I have found my place and it's strange to feel so content in knowing that, I like to think each obstacle is a little conquer. The excitement I feel is palpable. Once again, I feel like the sky is the limit. I need to apply that feeling to other areas of my life as well, but I am going to allow myself a minute to revel in this moment and succeed at the task at hand before I over fill my "plate" as I always tend to do.
Moving on, I had another physical break through last night as well. Back in the Summer we started running. I adopted a plan that had me running 1/4 mile week one, 1/2 mile week two, 3/4 mile week three, 1 mile week 4 and so on and so forth. Week one we would walk 3 laps and run 1 lap for 3 days, week two we would walk 2 laps and run 2 laps for 3 days, week three we would walk 1 lap and run 3 laps for 3 days and by week four we would run all four laps. I actually ended up running 2 straight miles by the end of the summer and I was so proud of myself. I had never ran before in my life and this was a huge accomplishment. We then joined Club Fitness and running kind of got put to the side a bit, it became harder when I wasn't doing it as often and then we became obsessed with Spin. Well last night we were warming up on the treadmills in the weight room before our leg routine. We had done Jillian the night before so I was already pretty sore but the walking was working it out. About 2 minutes into my walk the song "Titanium" came on over the gym stereo system. This song, reminding me of our amazing Spin classes, inspired me to try out my running again. I cranked up the treadmill to 4.2 (hey it may not be much, but that used to be my max speed) and I started off. I ended up running through the entire song and completing 1/4 mile, which was probably my fastest 1/4 mile ever. I felt amazing, my body felt stronger, my legs (though burning from Jillian) felt lighter, I got my heart rate up above 160 right away. It was an invigorating feeling. I felt like I was floating through the run while the song pushed me to finish strong (of course with a little dancing and fist pumping in between). This set the momentum for our entire work out where we started using our exercise journal to log our weights and reps on our circuit routines. We ended with some cardio on the stationary bikes, and though not my favorite piece of equipment, I broke quite a sweat and used my playlist to push myself through a series of hills and sprints (I find interval training to be most effective, personally). I am really proud of us for kicking our own butts. We came home sore and exhausted but we felt so accomplished. It's hard to put the feeling into words, but I can just see how far we have come and how much further we are going to go and it's an amazing feeling.
As for the diet, I capped out at 6lbs lost in 3 days, today my weight stayed the same. I think I am done weighing myself until next Monday. It's not healthy to weigh yourself daily anyway. The adjustment at work was not as hard as I predicted it to be. Hunger pains go away and they definitely don't kill you. Training my body to eat less is something I never really allowed myself to do. I actually am fearing my body adjusting too quickly and having to lower my caloric intake if I see slower losses, but we will see how I do a few weeks on the current individualized plan. Each level is based on your weight and activity level, you adjust as you go along and increase activity or fall into a new weight bracket.
I finally acquired some new clothes that fit me properly, not a ton, but it's a start and it's nice to be wearing an outfit that fits and isn't hanging off of me. I also, as stated above, cannot walk today, which is hilarious. Walking up the Subway steps was a total joke this morning! I guess between Sunday's upper circuit and Spin routine, Monday's Jillian & last night's leg circuit/cardio my body is just shot. Tonight I am going to see how I do on some back/bicep circuit training and probably do some running and then I am giving my body two days to recuperate. We will resume with Jillian on Saturday morning and probably gym on Sunday if we aren't dead tired. As much as it's great to get to the gym 5 days, you still need those days off for your muscles to repair, that is actually when they get stronger, on the off days.
Finally, I need to address an epidemic at our gym, and I am sure all gyms around the country. That epidemic is "Gym Bunnies", you all know who they are. The girls in full faces of makeup with their hair DOWN who like to "work out" in their skivvies. I was SO distracted last night by this one girl. She has this LONGGGG blonde hair DOWN HER BACK, full face of makeup, tight pants with her butt sticking out, tank with her boobs sticking out and she is going through a "routine" with her friend who is in STREET clothes and a GUY who is in jeans and a jacket just hanging out with them! Like wtf?!? What are you doing?!?! What is the point?!?! I was disgusted when I saw her flip her hair over the side of the machine to get it out of the way! Like honestly, you want to keep your make up on? Fine, even I do it sometimes and just wash it off after ... but put your DAMN hair up and tell your friends to go to Starbucks while you workout or put on some gym clothes of their own and do their own routine! Nobody needs to be distracted by your "I think I'm hot shit" attitude and your cronies following you around! Last time I checked this was a gym, where people come to sweat and get in shape! If I owned a gym I would be such a b*tch! And don't get me started on the girls in their onesies, yes I said onesies. I really wonder if they know how ridiculous they look in their unitards at the gym! I mean i'm sure its great, you don't have to worry about your clothes while your working out, but they leave NOTHING to the imagination and there are definitely no undergarments on under neath. They might as well be naked! I have no respect for them, as I'm sure they have no respect for me because I'm "fat" by their standards, but at least I have class.
I have not drank enough water today, so I am going to pound some fluid ounces and spend the rest of the afternoon living in the bathroom. I apologize for the long and slow nature of this blog as I am experiencing 3pm lethargy as well as listening to a very mellow playlist. I promise to return tomorrow with some more spunk & pzazz ;)
Toodles, kids!
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