too many things...

Lots of thoughts going through my mind and rather than make 15 Facebook statuses I decided to utilize my blog-ger!

So, last night was the end of an era! We said goodbye to someone who inspired us week after week and kicked our asses in the best way possible! I am feeling sad, but also optimistic. Sometimes a good swift kick in the ass is what you need to change up your routine. New year, new routine, new plan ... it's all necessary to keep the ball rolling. I think the saddest part really is hearing the songs and remembering the challenges we over came with each one. I will never listen to the "Spin" playlist the same way again, the beats, the words, the feeling of the music, it gets inside you. They say muscles have memory, to me it's absolutely amazing the way our bodies work. My muscles connect to the song and put me right back in the moment! Bruno Mars "It Will Rain" came on one day in the car and I swear my leg muscles started twinging remembering the hill we climbed in class the week before. "I Can Only Imagine" just came on and I felt my (Zumba) hips going side to side in the "1,2" rhythm. For some reason I just really connect strongly to music and experiences and I think that is one reason that I LOVE Spin and felt such a connection to the experience while overcoming physical and emotional obstacles throughout the work out and along with the music. "Set Fire To The Rain" was particularly emotional last night picturing my dreams and all of the life obstacles I have climbed. Feeling stuck, feeling like I was trudging my way through, after completing a good cathartic work out it's almost like you leave all of that in the past, where it belongs. "Walk", the last song of the night, was also REALLY emotional remembering when I couldn't keep up or sprint for the entire last minute. Last night I felt like I could have sprinted forever, a feeling I never imagined I could have. The cool down songs hit me SUPER hard and thank god Lisa wasn't there bc we would've been a mess together (although I missed her and am so sad she got sick for the last class!)... "Blackbird" first, the lyrics of feeling free, remembering my Dad and how he first introduced me to The Beatles. Thinking of him and how he experienced freedom before he passed. Then "I Wanna Hold Your Hand" and the way he would hold my hand in the car as we drove around in his fire red Fiero listening to The Beatles when I was a kid. It just amazes me the way music can take us back and bring things around full circle. It was an emotional roller coaster of a class as it has been the past few months and ironically in those last few moments I felt like my Dad was telling me he is proud of me and that I am on the right track :)

Now, where do I go from here?! First, I have a huge challenge ahead for this weekend, I have to try to fit in at least ONE work out and I have to NOT cheat on my diet. Every weekend I feel like I throw all caution to the wind and let all the hard work of the week go to shit! Then I am stuck working out all week and making up for my weekend slip up, well not this weekend. The challenge of it though is that Saturday is Christmas with Lisa's Moms side of the family (best in-laws ever!) and her Aunt makes delish food! I am such a foodie, but I am going to try my best to make good choices and have a taste of a treat if I am dying for, but in moderation. The other trick for me is to lay off the sweets! We have so much holiday candy left in the house and Sunday I like to be lazy and lay around eating it haha. This Sunday I think I want to challenge myself to work out (if I can't fit it in Saturday) and I am hoping that keeps me from lazing all day and gorging in the holiday left overs.

The other challenge is that I need to find a new food plan. Not that I eat poorly, at all (during the week), but I need to change it up a bit. I literally eat the same thing every day and I know that also can slow down your metabolism. For the sake of our schedule I tend to like to make a big healthy meal on Sunday that we can just heat up after the gym all week. From what I have read in some popular plans though in order to keep things exciting and fresh you need to change dinner and even lunches up a bit. I need to research a plan that can fit into our lifestyle but help us to stream line our diet even better. I want to go completely clean and borderline "diabetic" diet. Unfortunately, due to my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), a diabetic diet is necessary for weight loss. PCOS is actually one of the main reasons my weight loss has been so slow, it's a total double edged sword!

As far as the gym is concerned I would love to kick start a few sessions with a trainer, but since I am not made of money I am going to have to find a way to get back into my "training" mode. First and foremost we have to get there 4 days minimum, ideally 5. And secondly I think if I could just get myself up in the morning for that 6am Jillian routine it would help significantly. When I initially started losing weight we were doing 5am cardio at the gym. Our new gym is a little far for that, but no reason why I can't do Jillian before breakfast on week days! I know that when you work out first thing in the morning you burn more calories then after work. I feel like I am always burning off the day rather than losing weight when we only make it there in the evening. "2 a days" was the ONLY way when I lost my first chunk of weight!

Basically I have until August 13, 2012 to lose 65lbs and that is beyond possible. If I could lose more, great, if not I think I would be more than happy at that weight. After I turn 30 and the "fat" is gone I would love to spend the next two years before I get preggo toning up!

Anyway, enough talking, more doing haha ... I am off to research some new plans and find a good food diary! Stay tuned :)